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Description: Take the VSOE, raise the outside temperature to a steamy 34 degrees, introduce Raffles-inspired interior design which harks back to days of the Empire and throw in the breathtaking vistas of the Thai and Malaysian countryside.

Opinion: If you want to do something really spesh and preferably in uber-opulence you should take a trip on board the E&O. Best of all, it's not extortionately expensive, especially not when compared with a 5 star hotel of a similar ilk. That said it remains costly enough to keep the Costa del Eggs Chips & Beans crowd at bay... So don't go if the thought of pan-fried foie gras and lobster with lemongrass bouillon doesn't rock your boat. I shan't go into any detail of the trip as that's half the excitement as you will discover if you let yourself in for this treat. However here's a couple of top tips: Go on a starvation diet for 48 hours before you board - just long enough to make you Hank Marvin without shrinking your appetite entirely so that you can make full use of the constant stream of gourmet fayre served to you (tea and tiffin anyone?). NB Loose items of clothing with elasticated waists also v handy... Dress up to the Nines at dinner time and pretend you're part of an Hercule Poirot drama - although try not to plunge your butter knife between the shoulder blades of any of your travelling companions, however stuffy some of them may be. Be prepared to share your table at dinner with a whole host of 'characters' ranging from the millionaire couple from Palm Beach dripping in bling and matching porcelain veneers to the retired Colonel on a trip down memory lane to the Bridge over River Kwai (yes it goes there...). Just like Cleudo really, there was even a Mrs White character and her equally stern husband who asked me to lower my voice in the bar car...how dull. Happy to report that I duly took no notice and suggested the Whites relocated to the reading car if they sought silence. Take a Pullman cabin - it's fun scrambling up to the top bunk whilst the less mobile guests simply pay lots more for 2 single beds in a State cabin... If money's no object go the whole hog and get a presidential suite, it will at least mean that you don't have to take turns standing up in your cabin.

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Rating: 5/5 - 'Toasted!'